Dating people that were adopted and are depressed
It’s usually based on an obsession, or idealization, more than a genuine appreciation and acceptance of who the other person is. Well, when you love someone, it is pretty effortless.
There is a tremendous difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation… It is true and pure – you don’t need them to be any certain way.
Unfortunately, though, the majority of people don’t do that.
I blame music and Hollywood for propagating this mindset, but for whatever reason, people today have the idea that relationships are supposed to be hard.
You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up. You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. In fact, you never even think about possibly losing them because you don’t feel you need to possess them in order to experience the love you have for them. Yes, popular songs it sound like it’s supposed to be. But movies and music are wrong, love is meant to be effortless and easy. Why is breaking your fixation essential to having success in your love life?
OK, so I talked earlier about what fixation feels like and how it’s the biggest warning sign that you’re trying to have a relationship with a bad match (that is, a match that isn’t going to work out in the long term and will drain your life, heart and soul until there’s nothing left…).
You feel like until you have this, you are not OK and will not be OK.
If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad, that is your mind screaming, “This person is incompatible with you! ” If a relationship feels like suffocation, that’s a huge clue that you’re not in a relationship with someone who’s compatible with you. In a good relationships, everything just unfolds effortlessly (well, 99% of the time within a good relationship is effortless with the occasional 1% of the time where you have to put in effort to make sure things stay in a good place).So what’s the root cause of this destructive force of fixation?How can you completely banish it from your love life, so love has a chance to flourish and grow? Simple, however, does not always translate to easy.There is this idea that we have one soul mate and that real love stories are supposed to be filled with obstacles and drama.While this makes for good entertainment, it isn’t real life.
They observe if their connection to the other person feels like love (good) or obsession (bad).